I tried to write something but, as usual, I could not. So I wrote this instead. It is just a prayer about writer's block. Not a very meaningful thing, maybe, but perhaps others know the feeling.
Tell me what to write. Breathe the words into me. Let the words flow through my fingers as they did when I was small and did not yet feel the weight of my imperfections. Bring me back to the days when the words crowded my mind. Bring me back to their spinning and dancing, to their power and spice and weight and rushing confidence. Bring me back to the nights when I crept from my bed so full of words that I had to scribble them down, pour them out, release them onto paper. Bring me back to a time when the paper was greedy and the night listened and the energy flowed down my arms and into my fingers.
Tell me what I am supposed to do, Dear One. Take away the plodding fear and the mocking doubts. Lift away the hurts and the missteps, the failures, and the disappointments. Let the stark and the correct, the appropriate and the sane fall back. Turn away the condescension and the smug contempt I have learned to endure and worse, that I have learned to feel. I have buried myself in petty fears piled one upon another until I find only silence where I once found you.
I have seen you in moments. Like spheres and flashes and tendrils of Light I have seen you spin and reach infinitely outward, infinitely inward. I have felt you in the thrill of my body, in a gasp, in a whisper. I have felt you surround me like lover's arms. I have sought you, longed for you, grieved for you. Where are you now?
Do not leave me alone. I want to give shape to shadows and make words that chase the Ineffable. I want to answer your call, but I am tired and your voice has grown faint. I am afraid that I cannot remember how to hear it. I am calling for you and you do not answer. My courage is faltering and I am no longer young. Do not leave me, Beloved. Let me write and sing and dance and dream for you as I did before the world became brittle and bitter. Lead me beyond fear.